Most of the times, we all are looking for the perfect relationship and end up in a total failure. We expect our partner to be perfect but, in reverse, we hardly question ourselves whether we are doing our best. We search for that fault less divine creature in books, movies but, in real life have you met someone like that?
Psychologists have been trying for years to find reasons for the failure of relationships. But, it is apparent that we cannot answer this question only by using theories. Psychologist Katherine Schafler has found out that the basic reason behind all failed relationships is none other than the failure of the language of love.
Language of love is not the language that you use daily. It is not the language that you use with your parents, your co-workers or the people that you meet on the road. It is the language you use to express your intimate feelings. The language you use to say how emotional you are feeling. Perhaps, it might be something that only you two know.
In most cases, we never try to express ourselves. Yet, we expect so many things in return. Perhaps, you might have never told your husband that you like to have roses for your birthday. But, you might be expecting to see bouquets full of roses to welcome you that day. But, how is he supposed to know this if you have not told him? Is it fair to make little fights based on these facts then? Obviously, you would say “he is supposed to know that I like roses” is it? Is he a god or a mind reader?
Today, most relationships fail basically because of the failure of this love language. It is not a shame or a wrong to say what you feel to your loved ones.
Be direct with what you want
Most girls never tell their partner what they want from them. If they want chocolate, they would not say this directly. But, what’s wrong with telling what you want? Do you think it will take out romance from your affair?
The actual reason behind your reluctance to show your real demands to your husband or your boyfriend is none other than the ideological view that you are having about society. We idealize lovers on a flat screen and thus, we expect our lovers to do the same. To surprise you on your birthday, to have romantic dates and to do many more things. But, remember you are not acting on a movie. Your life is not a movie script. We have to deal with real people and real situations and therefore, we should keep in mind that your lover is also another human like you and he can also do mistakes.
People show their love in different ways.
Five basic aspects of the language of love are words, actions, gifts, physical actions and time. You feel you are ignored and you resent about the partner that you choose when you miss these aspects in your relationship.
Sometimes you might be giving him/her expensive gifts, allocate all your free time for him/her and do your best to please him. But, what if these actions are not reciprocated? It would be really good if you can tolerate these feelings and be selfless. But, in most cases we can observe that when these actions are not reciprocated, often the relationship is failing. That is not some extraordinary fact or being selfish. But, that’s the nature of humans.
So what should we exactly do?
First and the most important thing is don’t make your life complex. Always, try to do your best for the other one. Because, it’s only by doing your best, you can hope for the best. If you wanted your partner to give you an expensive gift, then you must give expensive gifts too. But, do not do the things that a partner does not approve. If he doesn’t like expensive gifts, then do not buy them. But, if you want him to give such, then tell it directly.
Miscommunication often ends up tragically and therefore, tries to do your best. Remember, while serving your own needs with the relationship, do your best for the other one. Use the language of love efficiently and do not let your relationship to be a failure.